


Gotham City Radio

by Mycatistryingtokillme



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: But make it a night radio show, Civilian perspective on Gotham, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I was tired and thinking about nigh vale, The hosts name is literally "unimportant" because I'm bad at names, Then I thought about batman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28910997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycatistryingtokillme/pseuds/Mycatistryingtokillme
Summary: Gotham City, a city full of crazy and unexplained things. Who better to explain it than a sleep-deprived nerd?
Relationships: None
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

Time: 4:12 a.m.  
Transcription of radio broadcast:

[A soft and tired voice speaks]  
Unimportant: Welcome to a city where the air is always thick from the last toxic gas attack, where the gargoyle to people ratio is two stone creatures for every one humanoid, where a man roams the city dressed as a bat and even more people dress in brightly colored spandex to cause mayhem. Welcome to Gotham city.

[brief pause as the sound of a can being opened]

Unimportant: Hello good, bad, and morally grey people of Gotham, my name is Unimportant. And I would like to welcome you to the first of what I hope to be many episodes of Gotham radio. The only radio show that encourages listeners to question why batman’s robins are not better supervised while designing costumes. I would like to begin today’s show with the top news that has been floating around our fair city. 

[The sound of rustling papers]

Unimportant: For people on the east side, please be aware that Dr.Scarecrow is attempting to relieve the bank on 10th street of its funds, Batman’s interference in this matter is expected within the hour. It would also be wise to note that several warehouses in that area have recently become abandoned and have a high chance of being used as secret bases for the Gotham Rogues.

[the sound of paper flipping and a drink being taken]

Unimportant: News from my sources in crime alley is that Redhood has been more agitated than usual lately, criminals in the area should be advised to maybe take a short vacation from criminal activity or move to a different part of Gotham for a few weeks. It is also noteworthy that shortly before Redhoods bad mood was reported, he and batman were seen having a heated argument atop a roof. Correlation between these two events along with the cause of their disagreement has not been definitively proven as of yet.

The latest news from Arkham asylum has many worried as both Poison Ivy and Killer Croc have recently escaped. Though it should be noted that Killer Croc has not started any sort of criminal activity since his escape and seems to be content in the sewers for the moment. Poison Ivy however has been seen robbing several plant nurseries across the city, any guesses to her activities have not been confirmed but it is advisable to use extra caution around places with a high concentration of plant life. 

[Rustling papers and soft muttering is heard] 

Unimportant: The Joker has been unusually quiet since his recent escape and it has left the Gotham police department has been noticeably on edge, most likely because of the unusual silence from the clown prince of crime. Many people have been stocking supplies and preparing for possible evacuation for when the Joker strikes. There has been no positive connection between any of the crimes in the city and possible Joker activity, but nothing has been ruled out. Notably, Harley Quinn has also not been seen since she escaped from Arkham asylum four months ago. It is unknown if she is working with the Joker but the chances are high that this is the case.

The iceberg lounge has seen a recent loss in business since Mr.Cobblepot, aka the penguin, was arrested last month. For the unaware, he was found attempting to send penguins with bombs strapped to them into the major banks of Gotham. After his arrest, many people associated with animal rights groups who were outraged at the treatment of the birds have begun protesting outside of the lounge. The goal of the protest has yet to be determined, but it sure to become clear given time.

In other news-

[sirens are heard along with a series of gunshots]

Unimportant: It appears that two-face has begun what seems to be a police standoff across from my apartment building, I will give more information tomorrow night as it also appears that Batman has arrived with his sword-wielding robin. 

The day’s music lineup will begin “Hayloft” by mother mother. This is Unimportant wishing all of Gotham’s humanoids a wonderful day and advising them to stay out of the sewers.


	2. night 2

3:56  
Transcription of radio broadcast:

[a soft tired voice speaks]  
Unimportant: Welcome back to a city that meteorologists call “scary” and “unnatural”. Where there is a supervillain themed around clowns and the police still chose a cater called “crazy clown catering”. Welcome to Gotham city.

[the sound of a can being opened] 

Unimportant: Welcome good, bad, and in between citizens of Gotham this is unimportant. And I am happy to report that the standoff from last night has been resolved with Mr.Dent’s arrest. Unfortunately, it also appears that the Joker used the chaos of Two-Face’s disagreement with the police to his advantage. Exact details have yet to be revealed, though it is advised to avoid leaving the house without a functioning gas mask. Let’s begin tonight’s talking into the void with the top news stories. 

[The sound of papers being picked up]

Unimportant: The security officials at Gotham city museum were left dumbfounded, as all their carefully laid measures to keep Cat women away from the recently unveiled Egyptian showcase were proven ineffective. It seems that instead of the feline femme fatale sneaking in through a skylight, the riddler decided to take the museum hostage and steal several priceless pieces. Both the Riddlers intentions with the artifacts and Cat woman’s thoughts on the matter are unknown at this time. 

An unfortunate night for Arkham Asylum security as there were several escapees last night, including Dr.Scarecrow. Who had only been in incarceration for two hours after his arrest at the 10th street bank last night. The director of the asylum’s security was reportedly fear gassed into a hysterical state during the escape and has been placed in a medical coma until he recovers. Other notable escapees from last night were Mr.Freeze, Clayface, and Bane. The locations of Mr.Freeze and Bane are still unknown, however, Clayface was seen entering the sewers. Killer Croc’s thoughts on now having to share the sewer have yet to be reported.

[the sound of papers turing]

Unimportant: Reports from the protest at the iceberg lounge say that the official demands from the protesters have been made. One notable demand is for Mr.Cobblepot to pay for the damages caused to the Gotham City zoo, which were made while he was stealing the penguins. It is also reported that while he, the second richest man in Gotham, was adamantly refusing to pay for the damages if one listened closely they could hear the world’s smallest violin playing. However, confirmation of this has not been proven.

News from crime alley, it seems that Redhood has confirmed that his argument with batman was about the previous silence from the Joker. He has also gone on record saying that since the Joker’s attack, he now feels vindicated. Nightwing is also quoted as saying in response to this; “People died asshole, have some class”, to which Redhood retaliated by saying; “And they wouldn’t have if the old man had let me commit homicide on the clown when I had the chance!”. An argument then broke out between the two that lasted several hours and was ultimately broken up by batman. It is reported that batman looked “not mad, just disappointed”. 

In addition, the youngest robin was spotted running from a pet store with several puppies in his arms and a very angry shop owner running after him. It is yet unknown if he has returned the puppies however, the fact that batman was seen with small bite marks on his boots and a grimmer than usual face the chances are that the puppies are still in the custody of the bats. 

[A pause followed by the sound of papers being put down]

Unimportant: As it seems I will not have any convenient criminal activity to end tonight, I would instead like to end it with a question that has been bothering me for days now. I had been visiting one of the only retail industries that had yet to make me curse having to live during late-stage capitalism, 7/11 because I enjoy both iced coffee that tastes more like chemicals than coffee and slurrpies. I had been browsing the store for snacks when I saw several superhero-themed candies, and now I’m curious about the logistics of licensing your image when you’re a costumed vigilante that keeps their identity a secret. I don’t think that you can license yourself as a brand AND keep your identity a secret which makes me wonder if all superhero merch is unlicensed. I wonder if Batman has ever sent a cease and desist letter to people using his image on merch… 

[A moment of silence and then a heavy sigh]

I googled it and there are a lot of links that lead to very dense looking articles that I do NOT have the energy to read right now. The first song in today’s lineup is “drunken sailor” by The Irish Rovers. This is Unimportant wishing all of Gotham’s humanoids a wonderful day and advising them once again to wear a gas mask if they leave their homes.


End file.
